A Summer Update (and Free Reading Log!)
A little less Instagram and a lot more books, please!
Yup, that’s an actual text I sent to my best friend yesterday afternoon, after a day of writing that gushed out of me in a surprising and welcome flow. Kind of a gross comparison, I know, but kind of a miraculous feeling.
I am working on my memoir. Yes, the same book I’ve been talking about for years. This project has gone through several iterations, from “quit lit” to personal development to … whatever it is going to turn out to be. That has been the most important lesson for me: I just need to write what I need to write. I can’t try to fit my story into any shape other than what it is.
Pouring my heart and soul onto the digital page would be a lot easier to endure if I knew for sure that this book would be published by my dream publishing house. I want so desperately to be seen, understood, and valued by people in the publishing industry whom I respect and admire so much. But that can’t be why I’m putting myself through this. It will be an amazing bonus, if it happens, sure. But either way this book has to come out of me.
And then there’s this terrifying thought: what if I actually do write this book? Whether it’s published by someone else or I self-publish, my story will be out in the world. I will have accomplished one of the biggest goals of my life … and then … everyone who reads it will have a front row seat to all the events and inner thoughts that make me ME.
I’m making the brash assumption that this is akin to how an actor must feel about a nude scene. Like, having a nude scene in the script won’t keep them from making the movie, but once the movie is made, everyone who sees it knows what that actor looks like naked. That’s how the thought of actually publishing this book feels—except instead of people knowing what I look like on the outside, they will know exactly what I look like on the inside. If I do my job, everyone who reads this book will know me as well as I know myself.
That is terrifying. That is exhilarating.
My plan is to have my first ten chapters drafted and sent to the brave and kind souls who have signed on to be my readers by the end of the summer. Ten chapters could end up being the whole book, or half the book. I have it story-boarded, but if my experience thus far has taught me anything, it’s that when I sit down to write, my heart trumps my storyboard. What needs to come out comes out. So we’ll see.
In an effort to focus as much on my writing as possible while also chauffeuring my kids to their various day camps and being present for the couple of family trips we’re taking this summer, I posted last week on Instagram that I was taking a break from my public account from Memorial Day through Labor Day. I did this break last year and it felt amazing. Like a weight lifted from my shoulders. It also crystallized something about me that I didn’t realize had been making me feel less-than:
I am not a content creator.
Phew! I said it. I am never going to be Caitlin from Big Time Adulting or Nicole Story Dent (though I highly recommend following both of them).
When I posted about my now annual break again this year, that mammoth weight of content creation … wasn’t there. When I then took a couple days away from my public account, I actually felt FOMO. Not fear of missing out on posting content, but fear of missing out on what all the amazing women I follow are up to. What I realized is this:
I am not a content creator. I am a connector. A communicator. A community creator.
My public account has shifted a lot over the years. It started as a way to stay accountable during my alcohol-free journey (username: Maintaining_Mama). Then it evolved into a place where I showed off my kickboxing skills and promoted my classes. Then I used it to launch my coaching business (username: jenbutlercoach). I’m still coaching, but now I am focusing more on writing and connecting with authors (username: jenbutlerwrites). This feels like the mental-healthiest iteration of my account. (Partly because when I was quitting drinking, I was still adhering to diet culture and restricting my eating.)
So the FOMO I felt when I stepped away from my public account showed me that I have actually succeeded in curating an Instagram feed that makes me feel better, not worse. I like checking in on authors and bookstagrammers and a few influencers who genuinely entertain me. I realized I still want to step away from the pressure of promoting my coaching, so that part of my summer break will stick. But I will use my public account to share my writing and my reading, and to keep connecting with other writers and readers.
It’s WORD NERD SUMMER, y’all! 🤓 I’m excited. And I want your input!
I also wanted to gift you a summer reading log. I love a reading log. I love anticipating all the amazing books I have to read. If you’d like to use this log, click the photo, download, and print! Enjoy, and let me know what you’re reading! I’ll post my log on Instagram.
Everything about this post excites me and gives me chills. I can understand your feeling of putting it all out there. But you are amazing, your writing always draws me and all of us who read your story will be better because of it. I love that you’re putting your energy and priorities where they best work for you this summer!! Keep going my friend.
Wow. I have so much to say here.
1. Yes, just write. Once when I was working with a publisher she said people ask her all the time if their book is going to be good. But when she asks to read it, they’re like well…..I haven’t finished it yet. That stuck with me. Keep going.
2. I literally just gave up Instagram. I kept it on my desktop but guess how often I log in. Never! I really think that writing posts and trying to “keep up” can really squash book writing! The relief is legit!